(and Why a Little “Selfish” Isn’t a Bad Thing)

Are any of you the go‑go‑go type? I’ve always been a planner at heart. I look ahead at the coming weeks, and if there’s an empty space, I fill it, taking the kids somewhere, making plans with friends, or tackling a project. That’s just how I’ve always functioned.

I even had a weekend once where my husband took the kids to his parents’ house, and instead of resting, I packed every minute with friends, coffee, drinks you name it, I did it. But here’s the thing: as I get older, I’m realizing there’s a problem with living this way. I’m learning that I can find just as much joy in the quiet moments, the ones where nothing is planned and nothing is expected of me.

I can binge a show or scroll my phone without judgment or the urge to fill the space. And when I do, I don’t end my weekend or vacation feeling like I need another day to recover from all the things I crammed in. I still plan plenty of activities, but I’ve finally figured out how to embrace the quiet too.

It’s rare for us moms, wives, sisters, friends to allow ourselves time to simply be. In those moments, I’m not doing laundry, planning meals, or paying bills. When I truly let myself be in that state, I’m completely selfish. And I know that word makes people cringe, but honestly, I wish I had been more selfish when my kids were little. That’s when I needed it the most.

My kids are independent I raised them that way. So when I want a day off from responsibilities, I tell them, “Find leftovers. Make ramen. Don’t eat. I don’t care.” Because in that moment, I’m choosing myself, and I don’t let guilt creep in for not entertaining them or cleaning something.

Everyone needs this kind of time. Kids take it without hesitation. My husband does it every night after I fall into bed exhausted from doing all the things, he stays up for hours doing whatever he feels like. And honestly, I think a lot of people are naturally selfish and feel zero guilt about it.

It took me 45 years to realize I deserve that too. And it took practice to enjoy that time without feeling like I should be doing something else. One thing that helps is checking off my to‑do list the day before or the morning of a “me day.” Groceries? Check. Laundry? Check. Time with the hubby? Check. One‑on‑one with the kids? Check. Because let’s be honest you can’t fully enjoy guilt‑free time unless you know the essentials are handled.

So this week, I encourage you to find a little time to be selfish. And if you don’t know where to start, enlist the kids, your partner, or a friend to help you knock out the must‑do tasks. We put so much of the burden on ourselves and then feel overwhelmed, when in reality, there are capable hands all around us willing to help.

And yes, sometimes I’d rather do it myself than watch someone else do it “wrong,” but I’ve learned that everyone has their place in being helpful. It’s just a matter of finding where they shine.